OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
