I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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