I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
