are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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