The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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