She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
