Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
