I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So many bounce houses so little time
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Someone signed my nipple.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
