Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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