how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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