it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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