you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
