Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
