we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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