I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
