dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
