its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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