I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
