My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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