worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
