He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
