my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
