Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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