someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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