Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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