I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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