you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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