I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
