I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
