That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
