shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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