the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
