Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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