so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
