the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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