Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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