So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
