Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
