he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He did a backflip because drugs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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