on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
