i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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