It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
