respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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