JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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