I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
