How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
