Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
