I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
