I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
