I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
