Whod you bang
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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