I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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