Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
