Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she told me i tasted like america
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
